She's Free!

Steve and I just returned home from a trip to see his dad in Missouri in a nursing home. The saying “Once an adult, twice a child” kept running through my mind as I saw this man, a victim of four strokes, now blind and unable to do anything for himself, completely dependent on the people around him. An average feeding time takes over an hour. After every bite of food dad’s mouth needs to be wiped, and he frequently chokes. A machine is used to move him from his wheelchair into his bed, cradling him like a baby.

Steve’s mom faithfully goes to the nursing home twice a day to feed and take care of him. You would think most families would be there for their loved ones but apparently that is not always the case. Many elderly patients spend their days alone. After watching my mother-in-law take care of my father-in-law it was apparent he was getting the best care of all! Everyone should have her to take care of them. The one big difference between her and other family members is Steve’s dad chose to leave his mom many years ago. The devastation and heart ache of the divorce lingered for many years. Forgiveness was not easy for Steve’s mom, this was not what she would have chosen for herself or the family.

Last January my father-in-law could no longer take care of himself and the decision was made by the family to move him from Florida to Missouri where his mom and sister were. My mother-in-law hadn’t seen him for many years. None of this made sense to me. “Why would we send him to where his ex-wife is? It’s not her job to take care of him” were my thoughts. My husband assured me this was the right thing to do.

The choice was made by my mother-in-law not only to forgive her ex-husband but she stepped into a selfless role of taking care of the man who hurt her so deeply causing more pain in her life then she could imagine. Amazingly, the fruit of her unconditional labor of love every day has produced joy. I sat with tears in my eyes as she tenderly fed him, changed him, treated his bed sore, and finally sang a song with him. By setting aside her hurts, moving in a direction of kindness, she has gained a priceless gift herself, FREEDOM in her heart! I’m sure the pain of what she went through will never completely go away, but somehow God has allowed her to experience this unthinkable task, taking care of the person who was supposed to be there “for better or for worse” so that He could show her His grace and mercy in a way many of us will never experience.

“And we know that ALL things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose”. Romans 8:28

Before Steve and I left today, we knelt down beside dad and wept, not sure that we would ever see him this side of heaven again. I sensed my husband rewinding the clock over the last forty years, terribly broken to think this could be it. We held each other and dad as we prayed asking God to take him home to heaven when He is ready. In the meantime we prayed for minimal pain and suffering.

Thank you to all our friends and family who have prayed for Steve’s family and his dad. We also thank everyone who took and offered to take our kids on such short notice. We are humbled and grateful.

Sweet Blessings,

Debbie